COLONEL CARTER'S VIVID HALLUCINATION

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Colonel Carter was at home. Clean combed, brushed, washed up and pampered in a lacy number and just about to go to bed. She sat on the edge checking the time. She pulled the covers back and began to sink into comfort.

"What!! What?"

She went out through the glass double doors and up three steps to the lower rooftop veranda.

"Watch your step there Carter, Ix, you'll send that extragalactic nebula spiralling out of control."

"Oh come on Cauac, you can still control it when its skidding."

"Yeah Kan, you can control it into an even bigger spin."

"Okay Ix, watch your step there."

"What Daniel?"

"Come and join me up here Carter, Ix."

"Is? Do you mean Ms Sir?"

"Ix I think he said kidding not skidding. Carter, red errant, are you kidding me?"

"Sir she said the Redderain system. Am I dreaming?"

"No Colonel Ix, I believe he said kidding not skidding."

"What Teal'c? Am I dreaming?"

The General had his back to Colonel Carter. He was standing on the upper veranda at his house, leaning into what looked like the Hubble Telescope, or something bigger. She began laughing. The sight was creasing her up.

"Sir where did you get that from? Its bigger than your house. Where did you get it from? How did you get it up the steps? Whats holding the roof up?"

The General turned round and eyed her up. Literally. He was wearing a red eye patch over his right eye. But what made it even more strange was that the patch wasn't down on his eye, it was raised up and ajar from his eye, sticking out and open, probably for a dual view through the binoculars.

"There you are me dear Ix."

"Sir you don't need an eye patch."

In his hands he was holding a pair of high powered binoculars.

"Sir why on earth are you using binoculars to look through a telescope? That's got to be the most powerful telescope I've ever seen."

"Um, all the better to see you with me dear. I say there um. All the better to see with. Get in the whole picture hey what. Take a look if you like Ix, just as soon as I've finished. Yes I'll just have another look, stand away Ix."

"What? What Sir? Sir why are you talking like that? Is this some kind of a joke?"

He sounded like an English aristocrat. And he was dressed like an American fighter pilot from the early 1920's. He was wearing jodhpurs, a vintage leather flight jacket and old leather aviation headgear, a fighter pilot's leather flying helmet. His goggles, which were resting on his headgear, were fitted with tinted red filters. And unkempt, he still had about a weeks worth to shave off his chin.

"Um, looks like a red errant to me Ix, hey what?"

"Sir what are you looking for?"

He was using the binoculars to look through the telescope lenses.

"Herring me dear. Red herring, hey what."

"What Sir?"

Colonel Carter heard a motor bike rolling up to the General's house.

"Siler! Sergeant how did you get here?"

He was in the driveway below the General's veranda sitting on Colonel Carter's Harley Davidson.

"I'm not here Colonel. I'm just running a few errands."

"What Sergeant?"

"Here we are Ix, your turn to take a look me dear."

"What General? Sir, Sir are you in my house? Are we on your roof? Are you in my dream Sir? Where are we? Who's is that sunrise behind you? Its beautiful Sir."

"Oh don't mind Cauac, hes not got his bearings. Hes looking in the wrong field. I've been trying to tell him. I've been taking measurements."

"Daniel? What on earth are you wearing?"

"What am I wearing, on Earth? What am I wearing on the Earth? You do realise Ix that at this very moment we are in fact on Cauac's veranda. We're rapidly rotating towards Cauac. We're suspended above the Earth."

"What! What?"

"Ix we are no longer on the Earth itself."

Daniel Looked like Copernicus carrying a sextant or some type of instrument.

"Daniel whats that?"

"Whats what?"

"Whats that you're holding?"

"It's the tide."

"What?"

"The tides coming in."

"What?"

"Its Time. Running out of time."

"What? Daniel?"

"Ix kidding or skidding?"

"What General? Sir am I dreaming. This doesn't feel like a dream but.."

"Ix you've got to be able to see the truth of a situation. The truth me dear, is an entirely separate entity."

"Sir, you mean right now, here, right here?"

"Just redding a few errants Colonel Carter Ma'am."

Siler was firing the Harley up.

"What? Wait. Sergeant wait, wait!"

Sergeant Siler was ridding Colonel Carter's motor bike. Throwing it full speed into burning skids.

"I'll just be over the sky."

"What Sergeant?"

"Errants to run Ma'am."

"What?"

"Colonel Ix, It still hasn't dawned."

Teal'c was dressed liked Isaac Newton and he was wearing one of those old fashioned powdered wigs. And he was chewing on an apple and at the same time he was repeating something.

"Has it not yet dawned upon you that he said kidding and not skidding. Colonel Ix, it does not appear to have dawned upon you that he said kidding and not skidding."

"Teal'c oh my goodness. Teal'c what are you doing? You're floating!"

"Go on Mulac tell her."

"Teal'c you're floating!!"

"Colonel Ix, I am in fact standing on the shoulders of giants. I am standing on the shoulder's of many."

"Standing on the shoulders, Teal'c, you mean like.. ..like.."

"Like Oss. Just like Oss."

"Oz Sir?"

"If Colonel Ix, you were to observe my method more closely.."

"Oh don't mind Mulac, floating. Floating indeed. Ha!"

"General?"

"Oss! Hes talking about Oss, Ix."

"What the wizard of Oz Sir?"

"That damned damnable bloody Ossiferous, little minky. Always up to his tricks. You take a good look. Floating, ha! Ha!"

"What, who?"

"Whato. There there mon chère, penny not quite dropped has it. Non to worry it will all be come clear just as soon as you.."

"Red Cauac, looks shifty to me."

Daniel had been looking around the Milky Way through the binoculars, through the high powered telescope.

"Ix come look!"

"Daniel I can't use those things to look through a powerful telescope."

"I've tried to show her Cauac, but she doesn't seem to be redi."

"Um to bad. Blue dandy! A beautiful big red sssmoky smmmoky, smoooky smokey cloud. Nebula, nebulae, nebulus, nebulium. Um! Smokey!! Blue dandy! What say you Kan?"

"Um. Cauac, to far a field I say."

"What say you Mulac?"

"Um! Cauac, on the shoulders of Ossiferous I say."

"Teal'c do you mean Oz?"

"Oz? Ossiferous."

"Super duppler double do. Well without wishing to sound altogether to drab me dear, I'd say you're simply not red eh."

"I am definitely dreaming aren't I Sir? Its just that I think I'm awake."

She turned to watch Teal'c floating along the veranda, bobbing up and down slightly as he glided by. General O'Neill came back into her view. Not with an eye patch. Not with binoculars. Immaculately dressed in a beautifully cut suit, like an aristocrat. He was standing on the roof top pointing up at the sky. He spoke in an Archaic language and then after in English but he offered no interpretation of his words.

"Ini Imi imi ixci ici a soo as'su du'uresh jarmse'ci. Ix, red sky at night is truly my delight. Red sky towards morning, its got to be some kind of warning."

He turned to Colonel Carter who was still dressed in her lacy nighty. He was smiling at her. He was now clean shaven with his arms folded and speaking in his usual voice.

"Red sky in the morning. Ix, is it dawning!"

"Am I dreaming? Am I.. ..are you in my dream Sir? I think I'm awake! Sir where is this place? Its beautiful. Its absolutely beautiful. I've never seen, I've never seen a sun raise like this before. How can we still be here on your roof? I don't think we're here Sir. Sunset was only a few hours ago. How can it be sun raise already?

Behind the General the most spectacular, beautiful dawn was coming up on them.

"Ix listen. Vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr. Vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr. Go on Ix you say it. It'll keep you safe. Say it!"

"Okay Sir. Vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr. Vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr."

"Now remember those words for me when you have to. Just repeat it again for me."

"Vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr. Vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr. Thank you Sir."

"Chombejerran, chombejerr."

The General winked at Colonel Carter and smiled.

"Ix, watch this!"

"Watch what Sir?"

"Shuush, trust me Ix. Just watch."

"I trust you Sir."

"I know it. Shushh."

He smiled at Colonel Carter.

"Ix its time."

The General, Teal'c and Daniel were now all wearing the same impeccably cut suits. They looked at each other and smiled. They all stretched massively yoga chi towards the open sky. They smiled again and bowed to each other.

"Cauac."

"Kan."

"Mulac."

"Cauac."

"Kan."

"Mulac."

"Kan."

"Cauac."

"Cauac."

"Mulac."

"Mulac."

"Kan."

Still on the veranda they turned away from each other and slowly began to walk in opposite directions. They all began to stretch out again as if reaching up towards heaven. Colonel Carter began to stretch and yawn. She heard a loud bang. A seismic shock. It woke her up.

"What? Vush vush yeah, yeah, yeah hu yeah, what!! Vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr. What?"

She hurriedly leaped out of bed and for no apparent reason jumped up in the air. Sort of like a star jump. Shock! She wasn't tired in the least. Not in the least. Wide awake.

"Sir? Sir?"

She was shouting for the General. He wasn't there.

"Vush vush yeah hu, yeah vush vush, what?. Why had she woken up? That bang had woken her up. It somehow.. ..somehow someone wanted to.. ..wanted for her to wake up.

"Sir? Daniel?"

She peered into the living room. Daniel, Dan, Kan, wasn't there either. She ran through to the open plan kitchen half expecting to see Teal'c go floating by.

"Teal'c? Teal'c?"

Teal'c wasn't there or Meal'c ha! There was no Teal'c floating around. The General wasn't there and Daniel wasn't there. She was on her own. Vush vush yeah wu yeah vu. She ran to the back door, unlatched it and swung it open and stepped out onto the porch. Yeah it was dawn alright. But not a red one. And not the most beautiful one she'd ever seen, nowhere near. Her friends, her colleagues were nowhere to be found.

She was grossly over stunned. It didn't feel like she'd been to sleep and woken up. She was sure she hadn't slept. It felt like she'd been somewhere, outside. Perhaps in the stars, somewhere. Been there and come back, but was still expecting to actually be there, where ever it was she'd been.

Vush vush, why? Remember why? Safe. How? Is that why she'd been woken up. Who made that bang? Seismic event. That's what had woken her up. What was it yeah, vush vush yerrhu vush vush yerr. Oh this was to weird, much to weird. Double weird and scrambled pegs. She came back into the house, latched and locked the door. And went to get a coldish shower. She put the kettle on first and went into the bedroom, the en suite. A tepid shower, that was the order of the morning. Vush vush yerr. Um!! Ope..

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© Richard Dean Anderson all rights reserved June 2006